Coachee Reflection #2

In my discussion with Amy this week, we analyzed the three conversations I took part in during the course of the week.  I shared with Amy that I had originally chosen a close friend for the conversation where we were assigned to take a role we wouldn't normally have but it failed.  The reason it failed was because my friend became suspicious when I acted out of character.  This resulted in her getting angry because she thought I was being “passive aggressive”.   Amy shared with me that a similar scenario had occurred when she initiated this assignment with a family member and spoke on how filling a role the we normally do not is difficult when dealing with close ones because they know us so well.  We talked for some time on the notion that by engaging in a conversation with a stranger we are not as stuck to the predetermined roles that we  usually fill.   

This is not something I had thought much about prior to my conversation with Amy.  This led us begin discussing this idea of the container and how pressure from others on the role they expect us to play can dramatically effect the environment that is laid down in quadrant one.   If we are born d to pre-determined roles we can never be free to fill the needs of the conversation.  

When Amy and I spoke of the third conversation which I had with my producer, I highlighted that for this particular conversation I filled a few different roles during the course of our long seven hour meeting.  I moved from opposing, to bystanding to following.  When I expanded further on my meeting Amy kindly chimed in with the insightful notion that the different fields of conversation were definitely in effect during the meeting. I had not recognized this relationship until Amy pointed it out, but she was absolutely right.  When I arrived at his studio we each exchanged polite gestures and engaged in small talk to build comfort.  Then we entered into the next field of conversation where debate took place.  

I mentioned to Amy that in the meeting with my producer it really helped for me to suspend my judgment of what I believed to be the correct method.  This allowed for him to have the time to adequately express his ideas in a complete manner and for me to understand them with an open mind.   There were times even after expressing his ideas and putting them into action I still disagreed.  However the disagreement was healthier because we could refer to the tangible results.  Again, Amy insightfully summed up my ideas by expressing that by allowing my producers opinions to be put to action, I could debate with him based on facts.   

Coaching Assignment #2

Coaching Assignment #2

The first conversation I had was with my roommate’s boyfriend who is visiting from another country.  He is a physicist who’s in the process of getting his PHD.  Although we are friendly with one another, I do not know him so well.  I felt he would be a good candidate for this project, for no other reason than to break the ice.   Although I initiated the conversation (move), my main role here was to follow.  This is a role I am not inclined to normally take. I sparked conversation one night when it was just he and I in the apartment and I told him that I never could quite grasp Einstein’s Theory on relativity, could he help me understand.  Immediately his face lit up.  He began explaining things to me, in an extremely elegant way may I add, and I said little over the duration of his explanations.   Occasionally I would answer when he would raise a question or checked to see that I was still following. 

            From what I could tell the conversation gave him great satisfaction to share with me his knowledge of his expertise and help further my understanding. I also must add that I greatly appreciated his dedication to help me understand.  In the instance of our conversation, the normally quiet boyfriend of my roommate, became an amazing leader who presented some insightful ideas.  As a result of our conversation I believe we finally had a connection and fostered a bond for the first time since knowing each other.   Interestingly the next evening when I returned I found him in the living room and he immediately began sharing with me some new ideas on relativity that he had forgotten to mention the previous night. 

In my second conversation I shared Kantor’s model with a friend.  She found it interesting and wanted to know more about how it worked in practice.  After some reflection, my friend developed an issue with the idea of choosing a role prior to the conversation.  I told her that ideally you would find your role as the conversation progressed.  From our talk together we came to a collective understanding that this model is most effective in the real world if people do not commit to just one role, but can draw from traits of the different roles depending on the needs of the conversation.

The third conversation was with my producer.   He is someone that sometimes can be difficult to communicate with, but also someone who’s opinion I greatly respect. During our meeting I took on several different roles.  We began with him as the mover and me the bystander.   He brought up a specific issue he had with the the way I was presenting one of my songs.  He then suggested his idea to make it better and I heard him out.  I then opposed his idea listing the reason why.  However, I then told him since there was no way to know which version would be better unless we tried it, which we did.   After a flow of advocacy and inquiry, as well as experimentation with an open mind, we were able to come to a place that was neither mine nor his.  It was a collective destination, one that neither of us could have come up with alone.   

Coaching Reflection #2 2/24/16

In this week’s conversation with Andrew I felt that he was really putting forth an effort to take the information we are learning in class and apply it to his work.  I encouraged Andrew to keep searching, as this class can be used as a great tool for him to further his own methods and style of dialogue.  For this week’s assignment Andrew chose three individuals from both has personal life and professional life to converse with in order to fulfill his different roles as laid out by Kantor.  The first conversation was with a colleague who works under Andrew whom often has a differing opinion than he.  The second was with a colleague whom Andrew works under that he greatly respects.  The last conversation was one with his mother about the wedding he is planning for May.

We opened the discussion with a reflection on the first conversation, which I found to be most interesting and which we talked about at greatest length.  Andrew recently got promoted which means that he now has people working under him.  The business where he works has adopted a startup type of environment, where there are couches and ping pong tables set up as to make the employees feel more at ease.  I sensed that this new arrangement irritated Andrew.  When asked about the differences he was having with subject in conversation #1 Andrew expressed that while he believed business should be conducted in a hierarchical fashion, his associate believes direction should be presented and the employees should implement them as they wish in a fashion that works for them.  I suggested that this different most likely arose from the nature of each of their positions in the company rather than a personal conflict.

For the first conversation Andrew took the role that he is not usually inclined to fill, that of the bystander.  Instead of interjecting when he disagreed with what she was presenting he invited her to open up and explain her ideas further.  At first his colleague didn’t know how to perceive this new situation but eventually began opening up and sharing her ideas freely.   When asked if Andrew thought the new approach of filling the bystander role was productive, he believed so.  It seems as if the biggest advantage of this conversation was that he felt that they had shared a connection where normally they would have not.  I encourage Andrew to continue experimenting with the different roles of conversation.

Conversation #2 was with a colleague who used to work above Andrew that he greatly respects and views as a mentor.   Andrew took the role of the mover in this particular encounter and presented to his colleague the Four Practices for Dialogue Leadership.  Based on subject #2’s philosophy Andrew knew that he would find this model compelling and see much value in it.   When asked if there was a relationship between the material we are learning in class and his mentor’s viewpoint Andrew replied very much so.  I encourage Andrew to begin looking at ideas of his mentor and those of the class and utilize them to further the formulation of his own philosophies, because after all we don’t want to simply emulate what is presented.

The last conversation was between him and his mother on wedding planning.  Although we only touched upon this briefly, Andrew felt this conversation was helpful.  In this instance Andrew first acted as opposer and then took on the role of the follower.  He opposed his mother’s methods of not being open about how she felt and as a result she exhibited her true feeling in the wedding invitation list.  Andrew believed this could be beneficial over time.

Coachee Reflection

Coachee Reflection 2/18

My coach, Amy, seems like she will be a wonderful person to work with.  It was great to have someone to bounce ideas off.  She took the time to recognize how the class can relate to me life and helped me see new ways to apply the material.  

It was clear to me that Amy had experience talking with people in the coaching environment.  Her patience and calmness made her very easy to talk to and someone I immediately felt comfortable sharing information with.  I was amazed at how quickly we became familiar with each other.

At one point during out meeting I became a bit self conscious because I felt I was rambling on and on about myself.  However, it wasn’t until I had a meeting with my coachee that I realized this was the nature of coaching.  This was touched upon in the lecture where Professor explained that 70% of the talking should be done on behalf of the coachee at a session but in practice it seemed like an awfully lot.  

I have found in the past that there is a tremendous amount of self realization that occurs in ones mind when they have a verbal outpouring.  By explaining our issues with an outsider (one who does not lie in our close circle of family or friends) we figure out a whole lot on our own.  However, despite the coach’s small talk time, their presence is invaluable. Because of the scarcity of verbal interjection,  the coach’s words become all the more important.  

Coach Reflection

Coaching Reflection 2/18

As a coach I felt my role was more a facilitator or a guide.  I led Andrew to places of self realization and it seemed to be a positive experience for the both of us.  Positive for him because it allowed for an outside perspective of how the content we are learning plays into his profession.  However, coaching has much worth for the coacher as well. After our meeting I feel as if I learned a great deal.  Andrew helped me realize things about my own life and how I can better equip myself with course content.

An important area that Andrew seeks to work on is with “downloading”.  In his field of work this one segment from class that he felt would greatly benefit his performance at his job and lend for more creative interviews.  We discussed it in depth and I tried my best to really understand what he was saying and form questions and direction that could be beneficial to his quest.

Once reflecting upon our meet, I began to understand “downloading” better.  From discussing how autopilot fits into Andrew’s life, I got a totally new perspective on the concept.  Because his profession is so different than mine, I was really given insight into a new angle.  Because Andrew’s job requires him to interview and judge his subjects, he is not supposed to make a nervous subject feel at ease.  The way that dialogue plays into his line of work is unique in this respect because most of us want to create an atmosphere where a nervous participant of a conversation is at ease.   

Coaching Summary

Coaching Summary

Coaching can no doubt have an extremely positive effect on ones life.  Reading through the material professor has presented this week, a similar understanding of coaching presents itself.  It is important that one who takes on the role of a coach becomes familiar with the ways they can assist others in a productive way.  When successful, coaching has the ability to help one recognize as well as achieve goals.  

As a coach you absolutely want to make your coachee feel comfortable, as they can not adequately express themselves if they are not.  A coach should guide, but not force, the subject down a path that can somehow be beneficial in their life.  Cultivating a conversation where truthful reflection arises is also a key element in coaching.   How we achieve these key points, is somewhat subjective as our particular communication style will no doubt play a role.

In the content we have been given by Professor, great emphasis is put on making our coachee feel comfortable.  While I totally agree this should be the case, I also believe one must be careful to not lose credibility amongst the client. In a situation where the coach is always agreeing with the coachee and constantly complimenting them, they jeopardize trust.  Trust is an important component here.  In any type of reflective based relationship, it is important that we are honest with the individual we are trying to assist.  Our coach must have faith that we will give them honest feedback and assessment because if they lose faith, we have failed to create a space where actual growth can occur. 

In my own life I see coaching being beneficial in a number of ways. It is often the case that when we develop goals for ourselves we are not able to derive the steps or micro-goals which are necessary on the path to achieve the greater goal.   I have found in my life that it takes an outside person to bring these to surface and veer us in the right direction.   

Currently I am in the process of creating a new album.  This is a very arduous process that takes patients but above all a clear and concise end goal.  The end goal in this context would be best described as the artists vision or concept of the album i.e what it sounds like, how the songs are presented and overall purpose.  In order to achieve this vision there are so many details that must be sorted out such as what instrumentation to use, what studio techniques are necessary to achieve a certain sound, where the album is recorded etc.  In the past I have wanted complete control over the process in order to maintain my vision in as pure a way as possible.  However, this sentiment has proven inefficient and prone to error.   Recently I have been meeting with an individual who has more knowledge than I in the matters of music business, music recording and overall experience in the field.  I have laid out my visions for him and he provides guidance and direction on the best ways to achieve this.  So far this has been working out wonderfully and I truly believe in the end I will produce a better product with this person there to coach me.  In music we call this “coach” a producer.

At some point in my life I would like to act as a coach or producer in the field of music.  Learning adequate coaching techniques is imperative in my quest to assist others.  I know first hand that it can be difficult on behalf of the coachee to appropriately describe what they are trying to accomplish and sometimes the path is unclear.  However, with the assistance of a patient individual who is willing to take the time and effort to analyze and investigate the correct path of achieving success makes all the difference in the world.  What you are really creating is a person in your corner on the journey at hand.